About those Meds

April 26, 2016

I love my medication, and I feel lucky to afford it. So, tell me, what is wrong with taking medication when you are sick? When it means the difference between feeling so bad that I must avoid the world? When it means not knowing if my decent mood will still be there tonight or will have turned into darkness and a need for invisibility? When it means I cannot think clearly or trust my own thoughts? What is wrong with wanting to feel well, wanting to participate in the world, to give of myself? What is wrong with being okay and feeling well every day, maybe for the rest of my life? Should  I not desire this if it means taking meds?

I want to know why not? Why I should feel that I ‘should’ be able to manage without medication? That thi should be my goal? Who says so? And didn’t we just establish that I am SickNotWeak?  What is wrong with getting relief from medication if I am, in fact, sick? I want to know why are we perpetuating this lie, that I should be ‘strong enough’ to be well without drugs?

What message are we really sending here? Why put all that pressure on people who are already struggling just to get through a day, on ourselves? Isn’t the struggle itself enough of a load? Is that expectation just one more thing to feel badly about? to feel inadequate about? Let’s give it up, together.

I spent many years in my stuggle with depression without medication because none worked for me. Then, in 2010, I experienced total relief thanks to a new drug, and my world changed radically; I have found my personality again, my vitality! And I have NEVER been this happy in my 50+ years. Are you telling me that I should be wishing I could have such quality of life without taking meds? Do you think I would go off my meds, suffering through weeks or months of bad withdrawaI, just to see if I could survive without, just to remind myself of the misery I had before (like I could ever forget), you are wrong. Believe me, I know what it’s like to be dead-set against anti-depressant drugs, since all I got from them was bad side-effects, no goodness.

My brother-in-law has a serious heart condition; he takes medication to help regulate his heart and will likely do so for the rest of his life. Should he also be hoping against hope that he will one day be well enough to go without drugs? Who would even suggest that this be a goal for him? or for a diabetic? or someone with epilepsy?

I don’t get it.


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